Have you ever been mentally assaulted by something completely out of the blue? Today I was sitting at my desk at work, just organizing, doing simple tasks when I started thinking about my thoughts. I by no means have had a bad week, sure it's been stressful but for some reason my mind was tormenting me with horrible negativity. Anger, jealousy, sadness, I was beating up on myself for absolutely no reason at all. Then in a quick change I would go in the exact opposite direction and think "I am WAY to hard on myself, I work so hard, I deserve to treat myself". This thought then helping my validate bad behavior in a totally different way. How come I couldn't seem to balance my life? There was no neutral ground in my head, I was being harassed and had no idea how to stop it. I have been fighting with myself all day with trying to force myself to do things that I really do love doing but for some reason everything has been so much harder, not as fun, just being a total Debbie Downer and nobody wants to hang out with Miss Downer as we all know.
Then I started taking control of this. (Uhm hi, I'm in my second decade of life and now just learning how to stop thinking bad thoughts, go me...) I literally had to stop whatever I was doing at the time, oh yes, eating like I hadn't been fed in the last 2 weeks, to think about WHY I was being so crazy. This was hard to do, those ravioli's were starting to develop a very loud, convincing and distracting voice. So I started planting little thankful seeds in my head (this was easy seeing as how thanksgiving was just last week and I had lots of things fresh on my mind) Once I had crawled through the back door of my mind and fought Debbie Downer to the ground, tied her up and kicked her butt out the door I hung out for a bit and began to wonder how she even got there in the first place.
Recently, I've been taking many risks, putting myself out there, pushing myself out of "the box" and all of this seemed to be paying off. I am finally getting a grip of what I think I could ultimately see myself doing, at least for a little while. I am developing a sense of who I want to be, how I want others to see me, etc. As I've progressed in this direction I have had such a strong force against me and one of the ways that has been pressing me the most are these sneaky little things I think. It makes me realize that there is something that doesn't want me to progress, that wants me to stay stagnant and vegetative. So wouldn't that same press for inactivity want to tell me the opposite of who I am supposed to be? Could it be possible now, that I've finally developed a sense of self, that something is scared of the power that was vested towards me in the beginning and wants to lead me astray? So does this all in fact mean that every negative thought, belief, and insecurity of mine is indeed false and quite the opposite?
I think so.
I have come across the truth and realization that sometimes our greatest fears in life are often our greatest callings in life. We've all heard some sort of story that is similar: the great author/speaker who used to be shy and failed English class in high school or something to that extent. So my next thoughts are these: What is it that holds me back from my dream the most? What can I do to recognize these fears and remove them from my life in every way?
Then it's realized! Then I will pursue this and of course fail a couple times but I'm a work in progress
I always think that with so much focus on self at times it's easy to make that a bad habit instead of a good one so look around at everyone else that is signaling to you that they have weaknesses and fears and speak truth and power into their lives. That person who is constantly complaining that you typically try to stray away from probably has a major need for positive reinforcement in their life.
So I leave you with this: Whether Debbie Downer is your BFF, your worst enemy or that girl that always shows up uninvited to your party (in my case), believe in your deepest dream and don't let anyone tell you differently. Your fear(s) that seem overwhelming at times are usually a. not as horrible as they appear b. the breaking point for something amazing that is about to happen in your life. So go out and kick butt, take names and be who you were made to be. Also feed the needy people around you with blessed words because you just may need them in a time of weakness one day.
Peace, Love & Starbucks Holiday Cups
No comments:
Post a Comment