You know, living in a different place for a year is bound to give you a lot of...interesting... stories. Trust me, I would love to divulge on all the dirt from everything that has happened, but, for time's sake I shouldn't. I'll just tell you a couple things I've deposited into my knowledge bank since I've been here. There is no formula to this, I haven't been keeping a list of these events waiting to spill them out into a blog entry, just simply what I didn't know a year ago and what I do know now.
The first thing I do know now that I didn't know before is that people aren't always who you think they are, and to add to that, people change. There have been a couple people that have recently come into my life and I have thought that they would be around for a really long time. Obviously people do change, people will make decisions that you thought they would never make, people mess up and say horrible things, they send you over the edge to see how you will react, they test you, ignore you, steal from you and cut you out. Unfortunately this happens mostly, if not always, with people you are the closest to. But to add to this people do change, if you let them. The key I have found to this situation is to be constantly forgiving. Even if it takes every cell in your body to do it, you must do it.
The next thing I have learned is to guard the heart. This is something I have always struggled with and still am struggling with, especially being a young woman when all I want is to feel loved by everything around me. (I say everything because everyONE does not include mirrors) It is so much easier to not think about something and just do it. But later to realize that your heart was in it and you have a couple battle wounds that you now have to tend to. I have had this inner dialogue lately concerning this topic with someone who has held me accountable for rushing into situations and it has been SO frustrating and so good for me. It's like it has become this aching habit for me now. I have fallen in love with this "rush" that only leaves me beaten in the end. I've found that to love others fully we need to restrain ourselves sometimes, to not give every ounce of thought, emotion, admiration etc. into everyone around us. We must love God first, ourselves second and others third.
The last thing is to be thankful for everything. We have all been so blessed! If you are reading this you are most likely a well fed human with money in your bank account, a car to drive, a job or a school to attend (maybe both), a bunch of clothes in your closet (some of which you probably never wear), a God that loves you, access to a computer with the internet and a support system of some kind (family, friends, co-workers). I, for one, am thankful for all of these things. I am also thankful for some smaller things in life. Moments that make it worth living. Things like long conversations on 'how to be a better person' with a best friend, sitting outside, feeling a perfectly timed breeze when you're getting a little too hot, thinking good things about other people who have done you wrong, giving compliments to complete strangers, getting a really good plate of sushi with a really good person to enjoy it with...
It's things like this that make even some of the worst days worth living. It is just like my example of this "June gloom". If we are a human living on earth we're going to have this constant fight with junk that gets shoveled into our lives just like the sky gets clouded and bogged down with pollution. But if we seek God on a daily basis he is the only way to filter out all of the nastiness that comes our way. He is the only one who can take the pain from feeling hurt by others, the frustration of wanting to rebel, the hurt that comes with an aching heart and the confusion from life's circumstances away from us. Just like the smog gives way to the sun, we also need to give way to God and let him lead our lives. Only then can we enjoy a sunset at the end of the day and have clarity in our way of thinking.
