in GOD we trust

There have been more than enough stresses being handed to me lately, as I submerge myself back into my school work for my last quarter here at FIDM I find myself in another new apartment, trying to find someone to take my place at the one I signed a year for last month, homework and working part time for an Interior Design firm. There are many twists and turns to my story that I don't really want to get into but let me tell you, I've never felt this much weight on my shoulders before in my life. As if the things to deal with in the front of my mind aren't enough I also have the lingering presence of what college I'm going to attend after I graduate here in 2 months, what kind of job I want to start looking for, preparing my portfolio, resume, business cards, website, etc. for future job interviews, it all is seeming quite tedious at the moment.

As my long list of to-do's sits patiently unfettered in my mind I can't help but hear the voice of God calling me to him, louder than it ever has before. I ask a question and can instantly hear a voice, not of my own, putting my anxiety back to a resting place in him.

This morning, as I was reading a passage in Matthew 6 about giving without expecting anything in return I immediately wasn't reading it for my own benefit. I figured that these were lovely words for someone who has money, time, energy and obviously no problems at all that they can then focus on other people. I stopped and cleaned up my breakfast mess and returned with a whole new perspective on this passage.

You see, I have $2.22 in an old banking account (that I still probably won't get rid of because I think it's awesome that it's 222) which is all I have to my name as far as the government knows. I've also had this $100 bill in a pretty little envelope entitled Lauren's Savings Envelope  (just in case an intruder was going through my stuff and wanted to know exactly where the rest of my savings was) that has been tucked away in my bible for quite sometime now. As I sat in some sort of meditative daze I heard God asking me to tithe my $100. For more than a year now, I haven't had a job that pays and have been relying completely on my parents or student loans to pay for school, rent, etc. So this $100 bill is the only thing left from any sort of pride that I may have. That, and $2.22...this money is rightfully mine, I've been diligent on keeping it and not spending this crisp little piece of paper.

As I pulled little Benjamin Franklin from my pristine envelope and examined my last resource, I realized that this money was not mine to begin with, it is God's. I started thinking about all that I had been through in the past year living in LA and how much I've had to rely on him, how he has always pulled through for me and now more than ever do I need him. I'm a mess without him and I need some sort of miracle to kick me out of this little rut. As I flipped the bill over I noticed the words at the top: 'IN GOD WE TRUST' and I couldn't help but smile.

I don't know who is reading this, it could be more people than I assume (and I assume no one will) but that's not the point. The point is, whatever you're going through, just know that you can trust God. He has always been there for you whether you know it or like it or choose to take advantage of it or whatever. All I can say is that it's worked for me, if I end up falling flat on my face at the end of all this then so be it. I've also learned that giving (in whatever form) is for everyone, not just those that have all the time and resources in the world but those who are in the midst of the hardship. How much more will God be glorified and those people be blessed when they give the last of what they have? THAT is trust. I'm choosing to put my confidence in the one and only folks, I hope you choose to do the same.

Matthew 6:19
¹⁹"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.